Every smile you glance at him,
I wish was truly mine.
For deep inside I know that you
Were sent from the divine.

It pains me as I see you both
As happy as can be.
Even though the joy should fill
To see your heart so free.

But jealousy runs through my veins,
And I grow sick inside.
If only true love’s kiss were real,
Perhaps you’d be my bride.

Instead, I watch you from afar,
Filled with glee and merry.
But I’d be happier truly still,
If I was the one you’d marry.

The last thing I’d ever want,
Is to ruin your happiness.
So with my dreams I’ll sit on by,
You can keep your bliss.

But if he dares to ever leave you,
Should he care to break your heart.
I’ll be there with moments lost,
Ready to play the part.

I’ll tell you that I always loved you,
Enchanted by your eyes.
Your lips would curl a crafty smile,
My affection a surprise.

Perhaps if sooner had I told you this,
Would not we had to wait?
Was this time passed between us two,
Avoiding our earthly fate?

But still a dream that day will be,
And will it ever come?
“It must!” I say, and must indeed!
You are the only one.

Over the last two years living in Los Angeles, I would have to admit that my tolerance and patience for beggers and panhandlers has diminished. One might think that my countless brushes with homelessness would make me more sensitive to their plight, but it hasn’t. Looking back, I see the same legalistic wickedness that was found in the Pharisees.

“Look upon me with favor, Lord!” is my attitude. “I am not like this beggar, who is unwilling to work for their wages. I have not stooped to their level of desperation!” (If you don’t know my reference, see Jesus’ parable told in Luke 18:9-14.)

God has pointed this flaw out to me before. You would think I would have caught on the first time. Apparently not. I refuse to make eye contact. I never give them any money. In fact, I lie about not having any change on me; self-justified by the fact that I have little money and, what I do have, I need for myself so I can eat and carry on.

Today, God decided to show me my selfishness.

After putting enough gas in my tank to return from a speaking engagement in San Diego, I was down to my last fifteen dollars. This needed to last me a couple days at the least. At this point, every dime spent is scrutinized.

To my blessing, I was treated to lunch by my client. They even grabbed me an ice-blended coffee a couple hours later during a meeting. Two blatant examples of me being taken care of despite my circumstance.

The culmination of this story comes during my evening commute. I stopped at a 7-Eleven to pick up a pack of gum (I was out and headed to bible study, you know the drill). As I approached a door, a woman approached me.

“Do you have any spare change?” she asked. “I’m hungry and I’d like to get something to eat from this store.”

“I’m sorry,” I said without making eye contact. I moved as quickly for the door as possible. “I only have what’s on my debit card.”

I lied. Not only did I have cash and change in my pocket, but there isn’t even any money available on my debit cards. I just switched immediately into my defensive “you aren’t getting any of my money” mode. This revelation was the first thing the Holy Spirit convicted me of.

I glanced out the store windows. In order to uphold my lie, I wanted to make sure she didn’t see me paying with cash. Instead, she was talking to two other women that were about to come into the store. I assumed that they were blowing her off as well, so I went back to my business at hand. A moment later, I turned around and was surprised to see her in the next aisle.

I stood there. Judging her heavy makeup and furious inside that it would now be more difficult to contain my lie. Then I realized what was happening.

“I think I’m going to get a pizza!” she said excitedly to the two women, nearly jumping up and down.

“Whatever you want,” came the reply. They waited patiently by the register while she ran around the store, deciding what she wanted.

My job dropped as everything was pieced together in front of me. My hardened heart had lied and refused to help, while these women were generously buying her the sustinance to continue on. And based on the excitment of this woman I had just shunned, I knew her hunger was real. After all, I’ve been there myself.

Again, I was convicted. The fact I only had a handful of money was beside the point, I had been given reprieve twice that day and I had not returned the favor.

“Whatever you do to the least of these, you do unto me.” These words of Christ echoed in my head as I hurried to check out. I returned to my car and quickly drove away as my heart ached. I failed to live out my faith in the simplest way of pulling out the loose change that I didn’t need to spend to begin with.

As if to further emphasize the event, I then met up with a friend for dinner and he paid my burger. I ate the entire day without spending a penny, but I couldn’t spare a few for someone else.

Anyway, I’d have to say that my second favorite holiday would be April Fools Day. Three years ago, I pulled off a massive prank on my MySpace blog, where I convinced several of my friends for most of the day that I was going to be a new cast member on SNL. So far, that is my biggest prank to date. Mostly because I don’t have the time, energy, or money to pull something really big off. Maybe next year.

In honor of today being April Fools Day, I’d like to share with you an email I received a few days ago:

Thanks for your time in writing us!  We’ll get back to you in two shakes of a lambs tail!  Have a great day!

You submitted the following information:

Your Name: Aaron Kaiser

Contact Phone: [redacted, but accurate]

Type Your Comment or Quesions Here:

Hello,

I am interested in renting some of your midgets for an evening. I am attending a film award show for which a film of mine has been nominated and I would like four midgets to carry me into the theater on a Egyption style chair. I would also like to have two midgets walk behind me and carry the train of my cape.

The event is this Saturday evening in Hollywood. Please contact me as soon as possible so we can confirm. Price is no issue. I want my peers to be envious of me.

Thanks,

Aaron

Alright… so, who’s the wise-guy that sent this to Tiny Entertainment on my behalf? It’s obviously someone who knows me, judging from the fact they submitted my cell number. The curious notes are that they didn’t submit my full name or use my standard email signature. So, this is someone that knows me, but not enough to have gotten every detail right.

The part I am confused about, is was this a harmless prank, or someone maliciously trying to sully my name? My friends (who all wish they had thought this up themselves) think it’s harmless and in good fun. So far, I haven’t found the culprit, but I will be planning my revenge for once they show themselves. With a prank this good, they can’t go on forever without taking responsibility.

On a side note, I haven’t heard from the midgets yet.

[ YouTube Link ]

We were in the middle of editing our Ford Fiesta Movement audition video and the power went out!

The gentle flutter of a long goodbye,
dissipates as you catch my eye.

And soon you speak with voice so soft,
no more was life who’s kilter off;

Standing there, across the room,
one soul’s smile caused the other to bloom.

©2010 Aaron Matthew Kaiser. All Rights Reserved.

The phone rang. I recognized the number, but answered anyway. It was another person I owed money, this time my Internet Service Provider for my office. I told them the same thing I’ve told everyone else regarding my car, insurance, storage, mail box, and cell phone: there isn’t enough money to go around. I barely had the funds to cover feeding my crew on the Ford Fiesta Movement audition shoot this past Saturday, and there are missing elements still (like a project hard drive) because I do not have the cash necessary to take care of the needs.

*CRASH* A wave splashes over me.

I remember my current struggles to find an editor for this project. I don’t have the proper equipment to handle it on my own and no one seems to be willing to help me for free. Those who are willing, don’t feel like they have time to commit. The delay, now jeopardizing the deadline for submission to Ford by the end of the month, begins to weigh me down.

*CRASH* Another wave hits me.

It takes me a moment to resurface and cough out the water in my lungs. I look over to a devotional that I was just given by one of my pastors. I think of how I haven’t spent as much time in the Word last year as I would have liked and I pick it up, not expecting much from today’s entry. I turn to January 15th and I read:

My face is shining upon you, beaming out Peace that transcends understanding. You are surrounded by a sea of problems, but you are face-to-Face with Me, your Peace. As long as you focus on Me, you are safe. If you gaze too long at the myriad problems around you, you will sink under the weight of your burdens. When you start to sink, simply call out “Help me, Jesus!” and I will lift you up.

Seriously? That was today’s entry? I feel as if the waves are crashing over me and around me and I open up the devotional and the words spoken—inspired by Philippians 4:7, Matthew 14:30, and Hebrews 12:2—talk about that very thing? Now, you tell me that God isn’t here, speaking to us today. You tell me that He doesn’t care about me individually (Luke 12:7 would argue that God counts the hairs on my head). This was meant exactly for me for this day and this very hour that I read it. Yes, it was meant for others as well, but there was a power and a timing to me getting this devotional last night and not two weeks ago, causing this to be the very first thing that I read out of it.

This entire situation has reminded me what I’ve been asking God to help me with the last couple of weeks: to rely and trust in Him, because He has it all under control. I ask Him to show me who to contact so that I can do my part, but not to stress out over that which I cannot contro

It’s also shown me one more thing: my writing has suffered this last year because I wasn’t in the Word as much as I should be. Yes, I have been allowed a certain amount of creativity within my projects, but this blog entry immediately flowed as soon as I tapped into the source of my creativity: the one who first created me. I desire to blog more and explore my walk with Christ and, if I am not seeking His face, then how am I to speak about Him? Just food for though.

[ YouTube Link ]

It’s a new year and it’s time to talk about the old one and how much we hate it. 2009 brought a lot of us a lot of pain and suffering and this is my take on it. Imagine if 2009 were a person and that person just died. What would you say at 2009′s funeral?

[ YouTube Link ]

I just got back from San Diego and was carrying a few things into my office, located in downtown Burbank, for safe keeping. I accidentally left a basket with what few Christmas presents I got this year on the roof of my car for ten minutes. When I returned, it was gone! This is my rant in the parking garage.

[ YouTube Link ]

What happens when your family buys you music for every birthday and Christmas over several years? A large CD collection, that’s what! It’s Christmas morning and we are taking a look at the CD collection that my cousin, Grant, has compiled over time. There are over 350 titles here, equaling about 17 days worth of music. Do you share his musical interests?

[ YouTube Link ]

Here is my second video blog for my AaronKaiserTV channel on YouTube.

I went to a Christmas party last night and tried to shoot a video of some cookies shaped like the kid from “A Christmas Story” wearing bunny pajamas. The video didn’t quite go as planned. Also, we set a pudding ball on fire. Boom.